A New Beginning
Losing a loved one is never easy, especially when that loved one is your special one and the father of your child. As a widowed mum, I have faced many many challenges over the past four years.
The moment I became a single mum, I knew that I had to be strong for my baby Mia Luna. She was only four months old when her dad passed away, but the weight of the responsibility of raising her on my own was overwhelming. The first few months were a blur of emotions – grief, fear, anxiety, and exhaustion all rolled into me. Becoming a single mum overnight just added an extra layer of sadness and worry on top of everything else. My only coping mechanism was to keep busy so I was juggling a full-time job, childcare, and household full responsibilities all on my own. Not to mention that I had to deal with my visa situation at the same time to be able to stay in the UK.. But what I found most difficult was trying to function with a broken heart, trying to be there for my daughter, be a good mum and pretend that I was ok.
They say it takes a village to raise a kid, and how right they are! I couldn’t have done it without my amazing group of friends and family who understand the unique challenges that I face. I have been surrounded by love and support and I will always be forever grateful to those friends who have always been there for me (you know who you are).
A bittersweet journey…
My life can certainly feel dark and heavy sometimes, there are days where it can be hard for me to find the motivation to keep going. But for me, my daughter has been the light that has kept me moving forward. She truly is my saviour, my angel, my reason to keep pushing through even when things feel impossible.
There is something truly magical about the way that my daughter makes things okay.
No matter what kind of day I’m having, no matter how much stress or sadness I’m carrying, her presence has a way of making everything feel right in the world.
She is growing into this absolutely amazing and beautiful human being inside out. The things she says, the way she acts, the way she charms people, I know it’s all him, she has got her daddy’s personality and it is endearing to see that, as it is a reminder that Trist still lives in her.
When she laughs, I see him. When she hugs me, it’s like I am hugging him one way or another.
I know that without her I would’ve been lost in a deep grief. Without her I honestly don’t think I would be here right now. She is breathing new life into me every single day.
She has shown me that even in the darkest of times, there is always a reason to keep going. She has taught me how to find joy in the small moments, how to appreciate the beauty of the world around me.
I don’t think she has any idea of the impact she is having in our lives.
So if she reads this blog one day. I just want to say to her:
Thank you, thank you for being my saviour, my light, my reason to keep going. Without you, I would be lost in a sea of darkness. Because of you, I am able to see the beauty and magic that surrounds us every day. You are my miracle, and I will always be grateful for the light that you bring into my life.Mia, you are the perfect blend of me and your daddy. The best of both of us shines through you in so many ways. And I know in my heart that you will go on to conquer the world and achieve everything you dream of. Your dad has always been a go-getter, and I know you have inherited that same trait from him. So go out there, mi amor, and conquer the world with all your might, just like your daddy did!
What you resist persists…
I am not going to lie, it hasn’t been easy, having a baby is a lot of work, you are 100% responsible of this precious human being and doing it solo makes it even harder, but I think that effort doesn’t compare with the emotional impact all these milestones have on you when you are grieving, the first Christmas, the first birthday, the first day at school, all very bittersweet, always a smile followed by tears when nobody is watching.
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Your head spins 100 miles an hour, and you can’t help to think that people around you would expect you to be ok by now, most of the time I caught myself putting on a brave face and carry on with my life even when I am feeling completely drained inside. It’s exhausting to constantly have to reassure others that you’re doing fine, and you of course don’t want to worry them, anyone in my position would know how difficult this is.
However, after almost 5 years of being a widow, I’ve learned a few things about how to cope with my grief. One of the biggest things I’ve learned is to allow myself to feel any emotions that come up, even if they’re not pleasant. It’s okay to not feel okay, and I’ve found that when I stop pretending to be okay, I can start to heal.
If you’re reading this because you’ve gone through something similar, I want to encourage you to do the same. Stop avoiding those moments of sadness and instead, learn to accept them. Remember, what you resist persists. You’ll find that when you start paying attention to yourself and what you need to go through those tough days, you’ll be in a better mental state. This will ultimately allow you to focus on what matters most, spending quality time with your children.
It’s important to always do and be where you feel most comfortable. Learn to say no if you don’t feel like doing things. By taking care of yourself, you’ll be able to give your children the best of you. And trust me, they deserve it. You deserve a life that will allow you to enjoy those moments of joy with your family. So, let’s learn how to live with grief, and ultimately, move forward with strength and love.
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