Feel the Feelings: A Letter to fellow Widows walking through grief and motherhood
I’m not going to lie—this journey hasn’t been easy.
Becoming a mum is already one of the most overwhelming, all-consuming experiences life can offer. You’re suddenly 100% responsible for a tiny, precious human being. And when you’re doing it solo, that weight feels even heavier.
But honestly? The emotional impact of solo parenting while grieving can be far more intense than the sleepless nights or the physical exhaustion.
It’s the milestones that hurt the most.
The first Christmas.
The first birthday.
The first day of school.
All of them… bittersweet.
Always a smile… followed by silent tears when no one’s watching.
Grief doesn’t follow a timeline.
Some days, my mind races a hundred miles an hour, full of thoughts like:
“Shouldn’t I be doing better by now?”
“Do people expect me to have moved on?”
“Am I worrying everyone by being honest about how I feel?”
Most days, I put on a brave face—because that’s what we do, isn’t it?
We survive.
We carry on.
Even when we’re completely drained inside.
But here’s something I’ve learned after almost six years as a widow:
You can’t heal if you’re constantly pretending to be okay.
Letting yourself feel what you feel is not weakness—it’s necessary.
🌿 What’s Helped Me Cope:
1. Allowing the hard feelings
I’ve learned that emotions come in waves—grief, anger, joy, confusion—and I don’t try to fight them anymore. I let them pass through me instead of bottling them up.
Because what you resist… persists.
2. Prioritising my mental health
Whether it’s journaling, talking to a friend, a walk in nature, or just turning off my phone for the night, I’ve learned to listen to what my body and mind need—without guilt.
3. Learning to say No
If I don’t feel up to something—social events, extra work, even well-meaning conversations—I give myself permission to opt out. My peace is sacred.
4. Focusing on what really matters
At the end of the day, it’s the quality time with my daughter that means everything. When I take care of myself, I show up for her better. And that’s the version of me she deserves.
That’s the version of me I deserve, too.
💛 A Note to you, If you’re grieving:
If you’re here because you’ve lost someone—and you’re trying to carry on while raising a child, healing a heart, or simply making it through the day—please know this:
You are not alone.
You are not doing it wrong.
And you absolutely do not need to have it all together.
Grief is messy, unpredictable, and deeply personal.
But in time—at your own pace—you will find your way back to light.
Maybe not the life you expected. But still, one with meaning, joy, and love.
You deserve a life where you feel present, not just surviving.
Your children deserve you, as whole and human as you are.
.